Friday, April 17, 2009

Chaos and calm

Chaos and calm

I have to warn you before you read this blog that it is a mixture of many things none of which achieve anything mostly venting and self pity bare with me as I unload the most inner mush from my physicie(<- poor spelling forgive me scrabble gods)

We are still in Alaska and the sun still shines we spend quiet evenings reading, or talking with darons mother, aunt and members of the cult (BEING THAT THERE IS NO TV AND WE MUST FIND THINGS TO FILL OUR DAYS ) Its strange the way things just carry on everyone just whispering about the condition of Irene talking about arrangements and time. We went to the funeral home with darons mom to make arrangements.
its odd the silent pain that comes along with the acceptance of death , cancer is a funny thing so common we all know someone who has been affected, who has lost the battle or is still fighting the great fight . we have almost become numb to the crippling disease and the lives it takes, shit happens right.

Watching someone except death is strange , I feel guarded being that everyday I go to work treat people some who are just beginning their struggles with health others who pray for a day they are not in anymore pain they all have different names different story’s yet they blurr together and the sadness never really seems to stick with me I usually find a way to make them laugh listen to their stories, smile and go on with my day.

Being in the center of the day to day struggles is a kind of calm chaos I wish on no one Irene had fluid drained off today and she was whipped of energy just as if they sucked the life out of her right along with the fluid , her smile is slightly dimmed and her eyes slightly clouded but the day continues , with laughter and company.

Today I found out that my grandfather has cancer of the lymphoma. He was hospitalized this weeK. my mother just called to give us the news, my grandfather has a severe fever and is having flash backs to world war II as my mother softly explained the situation and the diagnosis echoing in the background was the sounds of grampa Curts moans. Shortly after getting off the phone with mom my step father Tim called his voice quivered and was raspy from crying he just needed someone to talk to and make sure we were getting home soon. I reassured him we would be home on Sunday told him we would call the fire dept. let them know he wont be there and he seemed to calm down.

The talk of chemo and options the panic fear and desperate grasps at options such a stark change from the bitter calm relief of surrender that daron and his family is going through

My heart is being pulled in so many directions watching so many people I love hurt…. And to comfort people at the very most opposite ends of the struggle.

Is truly a inner chaos I have never known.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The crushing of my dreams – in rebuttal of kellys comment

So here is the thing i know that Africa is going to be suckie i even somewhat look forward to the rude awakening that will take place in my pathetic little mind , i may even become enlightened and change the world with my kindness and strive to end world hunger even rally for world peace ..... but really i just think it would be bad ass to say I’ve been to Africa and i want to befriend a giraffe , I may even bring my moose friend franklin and we will all live happily ever after on safari in Africa


Alaska is beautiful , grimy at the moment but beautiful .
Today we actually got out just daron and I and we had hubby wife time long over due and took a drive out to beluga point … we found no whales so I felt very mislead when a read the sign beluga point why would you name the point after a whale if there were currently is no whales residing at that said residence …. Tourist trap… we did find rocks and mud that I promptly got all over myself we dug for a clam till i saw something shinny and lost interest daron continued to dig for the worlds most elusive clam and also lost interest

I will say one thing the air is crisp next to the ocean , the sun was bright and warm on my shoulders and the world seemed still as we combed the beach and climbed the rocky hillsides at the feet of monumentous( word I just made up because daron looked it up in his mothers scrabble dictionary not there not in scrabble then it clearly isn’t a word ) snow covered mountains . The view is endless you can look in any direction and see some formation of nature that is unlike anything you have seen before . The highway we were driving on reminded me of Montana winding through wildlife and countryside this highway lead through marshes and timber and stayed parallel with the inlet . you could see the refection of the mountains on the glass like ocean water littered with ice chunks as big as cars where the tide had gone out was a grave yard of fallen icebergs and driftwood all covered in mud and glistening the sun , as the highway looped its self through the mountain side we came across a great deal of natural waterfalls some were still frozen and you could hear and feel the water rush over your hand when you ventured to stick your hand in the melted sun holes the ice was tinted blue like a picture in the national geographic and the water rushed through the roots and rocks around it picking up light and making rapids . it was so much fun to explore with daron all we needed was our puppies .

We went to this really neat jade shop and watched them cut raw jade with a huge saw it looked barbaric all held together with ropes and rusty hinges and all tasks being delegated by a bearded man in suspenders the safety hazards were numerous but I loved the jewelry so all is well that ends well right ?
The beautiful necklaces we picked out are well worth the few finger that were possibly lost in the process of making them I think it adds a certain charm and worth to the pieces.

Prayers hugs and loves
The Bements

Also I feel that everyone should be updated on the whereabouts of Franklin my moose friend … I still don’t know them- I returned to the capture site today , Franklin was not present nor was there a note or any clues to where he may have gone … obviously darons over masculine protective display upon our first meeting has spooked him into hiding I left a trail of moose munch trail mix in hopes of coursing him into a second meeting and possible further be-friend-ment … he may even let me ride him … im just saying – it happens-

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Things not to do in Alaska

Things not to do in Alaska
My husband is from Alaska and we made the great trek here Saturday night to surprise his aunt for her birthday Darons aunt being one of the truly kindest women I have ever met.
To start off this wild rampage of travel, I do not go places I am very plain simple the only two trips I have ever taken on a plane was to DC to see my aunt Kelly who spoiled me rotten, not that the shopping candy movies and witty commentary had anything to do with my love of visiting her – she just made girl time – I was very lucky she put up with my snotty self . anyways back to the fact that Im boring flying on my third trip ever, to stay with my mother in law for 8 days ………
Step one- packing
Both Daron and I worked all week and left sat morn …. Laundry was done just not the laundry I wanted to take .. hmmm packing hours before a flight often leads to a hostile laundry room
It didn’t help that I did not have a fragment of will power or desire in my body to pack , im sure this comes as a shock .. to Darons dismay he found me sleeping well hidden in various places throughout the house avoiding the monumental pile of clothes next to my neat and tidy ( completely empty ) suit case at one point he even found me in my suit case (pics to prove it ) snoring away happy as can be then he would wake me and I would beg like a child in the candy isle Please … Darooon you can pack for me better yet … I don’t have to go … no NO NO don’t make me go .. (poor Daron)
Step two- ungodly hour
Why is it that a plane must leave so early and really it is all an evil ploy to sell more disgusting coffee because you may need to get there at O-dark thirty but your plane leaves the airport @ noon with every tweenager and crying baby in the tri –State area saying oh my god like he didn’t , like,like like ….. and vomiting crying and shitting
- Reproducing – looks more and more over rated

Step three – strip joint capital of the world
Did you know that Portland was the strip joint capital of the world who knew … they obviously need to advertise better .. I would have even bought a T shirt simply because people would read it and say “no shit Portland Oregon” and that my friends is bad ass ( all this was brought to my attention while spending a 5 hour layover in a book store in the Portland airport )

Step four – arrive
GOD help me

I will rant another day about the scary on goings of the Bement house hold things such as Shoot, being a bad word and meals from freezer bags , the cult bun , purity retreat and other strange on goings but for now out of respect for my attentive & polite hosts I will stick to the facts of the city and our trip

Alaska sucks .. it is dirty people smell funny and I am a minority , there is nothing to do all the tourist shops are closed due to the fact everyone leaves this place this time of year thus …. Nothing to do there is a volcano that is puffing ash… what does that even mean ?
Puffing - has he never hear of puff puff pass I could really use some drugs at the moment !
This selfish volcano threatens to keep us here …… NOT KOSHER
Im pretty lame being that im already home sick but really there has not been that many thrills when it comes this time of year that just so happens to be the time we are here and the time I was hoping to go on a grand wild adventure !

Not all was lost yesterday I caught a moose ! it was a yearling and daron wouldn’t let me get out of the car he even went as far to lock the door and hold my seatbelt in place RUDE ! this I know all I wanted to do was claim my prize! He was a gentle giant and although he was taller than the truck I was not afraid I have a giraffe blanket that I could have used as a cloak he would have know I was coming to claim him in a gesture of love and friendship!
Although daron totally ruined my fun and possibly saved my life (ehh husbands)

I did name him Franklin and I believe in my heart we will reunite.