Monday, December 14, 2009

i suck at blogging !

Ok, im starting to worry that you have forgot me or no longer love me - whats the deal-

well I still love you .. So you have to go on listening to me blabber on about this that and whatever it is that I may think you want to know about me and me related things recently!
First I passed my class!
I passed my state exam
I also passed my national exam...!
Yay me! - Im going to assume you are also yaying !- so thanks.... loves ... hugs big bear ones ( the ones that it’s hard to breath those are the best)

so now get to do a bunch more at work, I thought this would be fun .. it is but really it has put a kink in my antiproductive work ethic - lol - just kidding I promise , im good they like me- if they didn’t they would fire me .. That they have not done!

I like that I get to-do allot more clinical care now, IVs, pushing drugs, and contrast... i even do a bubble studys they are wicked strange i dont like the idea of pushing air into some ones artery but who knew... its a great tool for echos.. it still makes me cringe... it’s just not right, ughhh-

daron got a new job- he is loving it working all the time, still a paragod but now bosses everyone around all the time.. great for his ego, he is actually doing super well im so proud of him I miss him like crazy he is gone allot more but I think that this is what is best for him and our family. Family meaning me and the dog.......

tonight is the first snow of the season; it is beautiful it has been super cold though ungodly cold! I plan on writing mr.frost a very strongly worded letter!
Everything has been super busy, darons mother was here (I think she made hell freeze over and that why it’s so damnn cold here) - I almost didn’t make it she was here forever... in laws should come with carfax!
Tasha was here for awhile.. moose was in his cello concert it was amazing im so proud of him he has grown so much he is taller than me and daron!

its been a rough time off and on though, I was going through year books and boxes from highschool and found a letter that nate wrote me, I thought I had been doing pretty good it was like some days I still felt like everything was ok , but other days with no warning or cue I just feel like someone has kicked me square in the chest and all my air is gone and my heart sinks deep into the pit of my stomach, Its like im 15 years old sitting there next to him and then he is gone, and I am alone no matter how many people are there around me.. daron and all my friends are trying so hard to support me but some days I just can’t help but burst into tears , I can’t imagine a world that my best friend isn’t in, I can’t imagine where I would be had he not always been there for me... it’s like the world should just be frozen in place. I think about the fact that im 21 years old ... 21! I have a house a husband a really good job , but when it comes down to it, I have so much left to learn so many things to do still some days I wake up just excited about what the day holds... im just a kid and so was He.. that is the feeling that knocks my heart from my chest the feeling that he’s never going to get to do the things im doing, and He was gonna do so much, he had such a big heart He was bright and filled with life .always took care of me - he walked me to every class my freshman year . I wrote in my diary when I was 11 that nate was the first boy I ever loved , he was also the first boy who ever told me he loved me the funny thing was, I kissed him one time we were 13(took me a few years to work up the courage) and we both said YUCK YUCK never agian – I know right?? (Some friendships are just meant to be) but from that point on he was always there for me always by my side. when Tim and my mom used to fight we used to lay on the roof and watch the stars , he was the one who helped me move outof their house he always believed in me i moved out got a job and look at me know thanks to him.I thought I was so much braver than I am I don’t feel brave at all anymore.
I got so scared and I never got to say goodbye and feel like I failed him.
It’s so strange, to think of all the things we did together all the things he taught me, I guess I just always thought hed always be there. Always a call away with some great idea or funny joke to make the world seem more bearable..
I am so blessed I have a beautiful life and a husband I love so very much.. But I don’t even know how to begin to explain what I felt I lost. Nate and I knew everything about each other and he always said it was gonna be ok, and then made sure it was. There was also so much comfort in knowing I had that kind of friend, the one I could say anything to that I knew how to comfort or cheer up the friend who I helped or who helped me escape to were ever it was we wanted , needed to be . I have never had anyone else like him in my life … he was just my best friend.
I felt our souls were so kindred, with so so many years of memories and laughter… he was just my best friend.
I guess I just don’t know where you go from there..

I love you.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


So I have not written in a really long time things got a bit heavy last blog so I will make this short and sweet,
Life is good ..
Summer has been beautiful here, mild and with beautiful rain storms that stretch deep magenta and brilliant white streaks of lighting sprawling across the sky.

Work is work – and work is good to have.

Hubby is kind and loyal always loving. – I think I will keep him he definitely makes my heart happy.

Family is thriving.

Puppies are spoiled.

House feels like a Home ( garden tended to and all )

Friends are safe and smiling ! Tasha is home till the 22nd Gosh I MISSED HER !

School starts in September wish this brain luck I may be a bit rusty.

Food is always good and never lasts long in our house a hobby worth having LEARN to
COOK! its always going to be savory and worth it.

Reading the third twilight – yes I gave in – yes it is a romance for teeny boppers – Yes I could not put the first three down… I may be a bit obsessive at this point – Daron cant stand Edward but who can compete with perfect ?

Love, my life is full of it .

Laughter, I fall down trip, walk into door jams often makes comic relief easy.

Faith, each day I feel as if the lord is working in my life and in so many lives around me, it is easy for me to get caught up in the bustle of the day but I have been truly working on stepping back and taking time to listen and look for the blessings in every moment of my day- the world is loud and sometimes it is nothing but a whisper that reminds me of the grace of god, the joy of being his child and the love that surrounds even our darkest hour.
All it takes is a moment to listen and a open heart to hear.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Chaos and calm

Chaos and calm

I have to warn you before you read this blog that it is a mixture of many things none of which achieve anything mostly venting and self pity bare with me as I unload the most inner mush from my physicie(<- poor spelling forgive me scrabble gods)

We are still in Alaska and the sun still shines we spend quiet evenings reading, or talking with darons mother, aunt and members of the cult (BEING THAT THERE IS NO TV AND WE MUST FIND THINGS TO FILL OUR DAYS ) Its strange the way things just carry on everyone just whispering about the condition of Irene talking about arrangements and time. We went to the funeral home with darons mom to make arrangements.
its odd the silent pain that comes along with the acceptance of death , cancer is a funny thing so common we all know someone who has been affected, who has lost the battle or is still fighting the great fight . we have almost become numb to the crippling disease and the lives it takes, shit happens right.

Watching someone except death is strange , I feel guarded being that everyday I go to work treat people some who are just beginning their struggles with health others who pray for a day they are not in anymore pain they all have different names different story’s yet they blurr together and the sadness never really seems to stick with me I usually find a way to make them laugh listen to their stories, smile and go on with my day.

Being in the center of the day to day struggles is a kind of calm chaos I wish on no one Irene had fluid drained off today and she was whipped of energy just as if they sucked the life out of her right along with the fluid , her smile is slightly dimmed and her eyes slightly clouded but the day continues , with laughter and company.

Today I found out that my grandfather has cancer of the lymphoma. He was hospitalized this weeK. my mother just called to give us the news, my grandfather has a severe fever and is having flash backs to world war II as my mother softly explained the situation and the diagnosis echoing in the background was the sounds of grampa Curts moans. Shortly after getting off the phone with mom my step father Tim called his voice quivered and was raspy from crying he just needed someone to talk to and make sure we were getting home soon. I reassured him we would be home on Sunday told him we would call the fire dept. let them know he wont be there and he seemed to calm down.

The talk of chemo and options the panic fear and desperate grasps at options such a stark change from the bitter calm relief of surrender that daron and his family is going through

My heart is being pulled in so many directions watching so many people I love hurt…. And to comfort people at the very most opposite ends of the struggle.

Is truly a inner chaos I have never known.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The crushing of my dreams – in rebuttal of kellys comment

So here is the thing i know that Africa is going to be suckie i even somewhat look forward to the rude awakening that will take place in my pathetic little mind , i may even become enlightened and change the world with my kindness and strive to end world hunger even rally for world peace ..... but really i just think it would be bad ass to say I’ve been to Africa and i want to befriend a giraffe , I may even bring my moose friend franklin and we will all live happily ever after on safari in Africa


Alaska is beautiful , grimy at the moment but beautiful .
Today we actually got out just daron and I and we had hubby wife time long over due and took a drive out to beluga point … we found no whales so I felt very mislead when a read the sign beluga point why would you name the point after a whale if there were currently is no whales residing at that said residence …. Tourist trap… we did find rocks and mud that I promptly got all over myself we dug for a clam till i saw something shinny and lost interest daron continued to dig for the worlds most elusive clam and also lost interest

I will say one thing the air is crisp next to the ocean , the sun was bright and warm on my shoulders and the world seemed still as we combed the beach and climbed the rocky hillsides at the feet of monumentous( word I just made up because daron looked it up in his mothers scrabble dictionary not there not in scrabble then it clearly isn’t a word ) snow covered mountains . The view is endless you can look in any direction and see some formation of nature that is unlike anything you have seen before . The highway we were driving on reminded me of Montana winding through wildlife and countryside this highway lead through marshes and timber and stayed parallel with the inlet . you could see the refection of the mountains on the glass like ocean water littered with ice chunks as big as cars where the tide had gone out was a grave yard of fallen icebergs and driftwood all covered in mud and glistening the sun , as the highway looped its self through the mountain side we came across a great deal of natural waterfalls some were still frozen and you could hear and feel the water rush over your hand when you ventured to stick your hand in the melted sun holes the ice was tinted blue like a picture in the national geographic and the water rushed through the roots and rocks around it picking up light and making rapids . it was so much fun to explore with daron all we needed was our puppies .

We went to this really neat jade shop and watched them cut raw jade with a huge saw it looked barbaric all held together with ropes and rusty hinges and all tasks being delegated by a bearded man in suspenders the safety hazards were numerous but I loved the jewelry so all is well that ends well right ?
The beautiful necklaces we picked out are well worth the few finger that were possibly lost in the process of making them I think it adds a certain charm and worth to the pieces.

Prayers hugs and loves
The Bements

Also I feel that everyone should be updated on the whereabouts of Franklin my moose friend … I still don’t know them- I returned to the capture site today , Franklin was not present nor was there a note or any clues to where he may have gone … obviously darons over masculine protective display upon our first meeting has spooked him into hiding I left a trail of moose munch trail mix in hopes of coursing him into a second meeting and possible further be-friend-ment … he may even let me ride him … im just saying – it happens-

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Things not to do in Alaska

Things not to do in Alaska
My husband is from Alaska and we made the great trek here Saturday night to surprise his aunt for her birthday Darons aunt being one of the truly kindest women I have ever met.
To start off this wild rampage of travel, I do not go places I am very plain simple the only two trips I have ever taken on a plane was to DC to see my aunt Kelly who spoiled me rotten, not that the shopping candy movies and witty commentary had anything to do with my love of visiting her – she just made girl time – I was very lucky she put up with my snotty self . anyways back to the fact that Im boring flying on my third trip ever, to stay with my mother in law for 8 days ………
Step one- packing
Both Daron and I worked all week and left sat morn …. Laundry was done just not the laundry I wanted to take .. hmmm packing hours before a flight often leads to a hostile laundry room
It didn’t help that I did not have a fragment of will power or desire in my body to pack , im sure this comes as a shock .. to Darons dismay he found me sleeping well hidden in various places throughout the house avoiding the monumental pile of clothes next to my neat and tidy ( completely empty ) suit case at one point he even found me in my suit case (pics to prove it ) snoring away happy as can be then he would wake me and I would beg like a child in the candy isle Please … Darooon you can pack for me better yet … I don’t have to go … no NO NO don’t make me go .. (poor Daron)
Step two- ungodly hour
Why is it that a plane must leave so early and really it is all an evil ploy to sell more disgusting coffee because you may need to get there at O-dark thirty but your plane leaves the airport @ noon with every tweenager and crying baby in the tri –State area saying oh my god like he didn’t , like,like like ….. and vomiting crying and shitting
- Reproducing – looks more and more over rated

Step three – strip joint capital of the world
Did you know that Portland was the strip joint capital of the world who knew … they obviously need to advertise better .. I would have even bought a T shirt simply because people would read it and say “no shit Portland Oregon” and that my friends is bad ass ( all this was brought to my attention while spending a 5 hour layover in a book store in the Portland airport )

Step four – arrive
GOD help me

I will rant another day about the scary on goings of the Bement house hold things such as Shoot, being a bad word and meals from freezer bags , the cult bun , purity retreat and other strange on goings but for now out of respect for my attentive & polite hosts I will stick to the facts of the city and our trip

Alaska sucks .. it is dirty people smell funny and I am a minority , there is nothing to do all the tourist shops are closed due to the fact everyone leaves this place this time of year thus …. Nothing to do there is a volcano that is puffing ash… what does that even mean ?
Puffing - has he never hear of puff puff pass I could really use some drugs at the moment !
This selfish volcano threatens to keep us here …… NOT KOSHER
Im pretty lame being that im already home sick but really there has not been that many thrills when it comes this time of year that just so happens to be the time we are here and the time I was hoping to go on a grand wild adventure !

Not all was lost yesterday I caught a moose ! it was a yearling and daron wouldn’t let me get out of the car he even went as far to lock the door and hold my seatbelt in place RUDE ! this I know all I wanted to do was claim my prize! He was a gentle giant and although he was taller than the truck I was not afraid I have a giraffe blanket that I could have used as a cloak he would have know I was coming to claim him in a gesture of love and friendship!
Although daron totally ruined my fun and possibly saved my life (ehh husbands)

I did name him Franklin and I believe in my heart we will reunite.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

God music

So the goof ball that I am just realized that I only have Two followers…. My aunt my papa and myself… but I don’t count do I ?

So how long has it been since you heard a song on the radio that just touched your heart and you couldn’t help but totally jam out and connect with the lyrics the tune … just sing along and smile every time you hear it …… its been awhile for me too… but yesterday I switched my radio over to a Christian station that my good friend Cathy recommended , and I have been humming along ever since …it was strange but I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t really enjoying what I listened to on the pop station anymore , this adult Christian top 40 change makes me laugh a little being that I swore up and down that id never be one of those bible thumping people who only listen to bible rock…. Aka my grandmother – I always made fun of her love of feel good music but in my age I have learned I was sorely wrong – god music is GOOD

So my new love of God music as I so affectionately call it was brought on by the Best Song Ever … Free to be me…. Wow I felt so silly sitting in the office humming along because I had not learned the words yet .. but I just loved it it made me smile I felt like it was about me .. where I am in my life , with Daron with God … it felt good …. My heart sang along .. Francesca Battistelli is the artist and she is so talented ! any who I highly recommend her … GOOGLE THAT GIRL!

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt


And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

That’s the song cute! Cute (or DUTIE – as kelly would say )

And looking back at things I swore id never be…… If I turn out to be half the woman my grandmother is I will have done pretty darn well for myself … im glad I see that now & that maybe the things that were said to be un-cool were the things that mattered most ….. family – god – ect.
Ive got a lot of catching up to do but the great part about life is that it’s a journey not a destination … Kisses , Hugs love you all always –god bless-

Long time No Blog

I understand that i have not posted a blog in along time and my faithful 3 subscribers were truly worried about my lack of internet time in the last few weeks, but I am now blogging to reassure you that my blog will live on, have faith in me friends .... I mean family being that you are the only sad few who read the junk i post .. but let me tell you about my month & all the wonderful things i have been up to .....

My new job is great I love it, I learn something new everyday and the people I work with are so much fun, I have been working a ton 5 days a week 7am to 6pm and then pulling two 12s out at fire over the weekend, being lazy is hard while working as much as i do so i feel that i have truly been making sacrifices ! ( avista better be thankful for the utilities check!) other than that we have had a few whacko Pts. but nothing to exciting... at fire we had a rip roaring car fire that kicked ass - I rocked it and totaly saved lives ! not really but had anyone’s life been in danger Im sure i would have been the go to gal- on life saving measures! 6 cars burnt up in one driveway talk about bad luck but it was RAD! (can you tell i like to play w/fire?)
In other airwayheights on goings ... Daron and I have a stalker ! yes you read correctly we are currently the victims of a brutal stocking .. The perp even took pics.. yucky right ! worst of all we were at a hockey game when all of this happened i felt so violated ! The Nerve The OutRage ! its just wrong on so many levels i worry about the poor soul who had to sink so low to stock fat boring people like daron and I .
well i need to go back to work so tah tah for now ... my friends