Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Things not to do in Alaska

Things not to do in Alaska
My husband is from Alaska and we made the great trek here Saturday night to surprise his aunt for her birthday Darons aunt being one of the truly kindest women I have ever met.
To start off this wild rampage of travel, I do not go places I am very plain simple the only two trips I have ever taken on a plane was to DC to see my aunt Kelly who spoiled me rotten, not that the shopping candy movies and witty commentary had anything to do with my love of visiting her – she just made girl time – I was very lucky she put up with my snotty self . anyways back to the fact that Im boring flying on my third trip ever, to stay with my mother in law for 8 days ………
Step one- packing
Both Daron and I worked all week and left sat morn …. Laundry was done just not the laundry I wanted to take .. hmmm packing hours before a flight often leads to a hostile laundry room
It didn’t help that I did not have a fragment of will power or desire in my body to pack , im sure this comes as a shock .. to Darons dismay he found me sleeping well hidden in various places throughout the house avoiding the monumental pile of clothes next to my neat and tidy ( completely empty ) suit case at one point he even found me in my suit case (pics to prove it ) snoring away happy as can be then he would wake me and I would beg like a child in the candy isle Please … Darooon you can pack for me better yet … I don’t have to go … no NO NO don’t make me go .. (poor Daron)
Step two- ungodly hour
Why is it that a plane must leave so early and really it is all an evil ploy to sell more disgusting coffee because you may need to get there at O-dark thirty but your plane leaves the airport @ noon with every tweenager and crying baby in the tri –State area saying oh my god like he didn’t , like,like like ….. and vomiting crying and shitting
- Reproducing – looks more and more over rated

Step three – strip joint capital of the world
Did you know that Portland was the strip joint capital of the world who knew … they obviously need to advertise better .. I would have even bought a T shirt simply because people would read it and say “no shit Portland Oregon” and that my friends is bad ass ( all this was brought to my attention while spending a 5 hour layover in a book store in the Portland airport )

Step four – arrive
GOD help me

I will rant another day about the scary on goings of the Bement house hold things such as Shoot, being a bad word and meals from freezer bags , the cult bun , purity retreat and other strange on goings but for now out of respect for my attentive & polite hosts I will stick to the facts of the city and our trip

Alaska sucks .. it is dirty people smell funny and I am a minority , there is nothing to do all the tourist shops are closed due to the fact everyone leaves this place this time of year thus …. Nothing to do there is a volcano that is puffing ash… what does that even mean ?
Puffing - has he never hear of puff puff pass I could really use some drugs at the moment !
This selfish volcano threatens to keep us here …… NOT KOSHER
Im pretty lame being that im already home sick but really there has not been that many thrills when it comes this time of year that just so happens to be the time we are here and the time I was hoping to go on a grand wild adventure !

Not all was lost yesterday I caught a moose ! it was a yearling and daron wouldn’t let me get out of the car he even went as far to lock the door and hold my seatbelt in place RUDE ! this I know all I wanted to do was claim my prize! He was a gentle giant and although he was taller than the truck I was not afraid I have a giraffe blanket that I could have used as a cloak he would have know I was coming to claim him in a gesture of love and friendship!
Although daron totally ruined my fun and possibly saved my life (ehh husbands)

I did name him Franklin and I believe in my heart we will reunite.

1 comment:

  1. Umm...Nana, if you think Alaska probably should give up your dream of Africa!


    Hope you are having a great time. You will miss it when you leave. Take a LOT of pics!

    Love you guys!
    Aunt Kell