Chaos and calm
I have to warn you before you read this blog that it is a mixture of many things none of which achieve anything mostly venting and self pity bare with me as I unload the most inner mush from my physicie(<- poor spelling forgive me scrabble gods)
We are still in Alaska and the sun still shines we spend quiet evenings reading, or talking with darons mother, aunt and members of the cult (BEING THAT THERE IS NO TV AND WE MUST FIND THINGS TO FILL OUR DAYS ) Its strange the way things just carry on everyone just whispering about the condition of Irene talking about arrangements and time. We went to the funeral home with darons mom to make arrangements.
its odd the silent pain that comes along with the acceptance of death , cancer is a funny thing so common we all know someone who has been affected, who has lost the battle or is still fighting the great fight . we have almost become numb to the crippling disease and the lives it takes, shit happens right.
Watching someone except death is strange , I feel guarded being that everyday I go to work treat people some who are just beginning their struggles with health others who pray for a day they are not in anymore pain they all have different names different story’s yet they blurr together and the sadness never really seems to stick with me I usually find a way to make them laugh listen to their stories, smile and go on with my day.
Being in the center of the day to day struggles is a kind of calm chaos I wish on no one Irene had fluid drained off today and she was whipped of energy just as if they sucked the life out of her right along with the fluid , her smile is slightly dimmed and her eyes slightly clouded but the day continues , with laughter and company.
Today I found out that my grandfather has cancer of the lymphoma. He was hospitalized this weeK. my mother just called to give us the news, my grandfather has a severe fever and is having flash backs to world war II as my mother softly explained the situation and the diagnosis echoing in the background was the sounds of grampa Curts moans. Shortly after getting off the phone with mom my step father Tim called his voice quivered and was raspy from crying he just needed someone to talk to and make sure we were getting home soon. I reassured him we would be home on Sunday told him we would call the fire dept. let them know he wont be there and he seemed to calm down.
The talk of chemo and options the panic fear and desperate grasps at options such a stark change from the bitter calm relief of surrender that daron and his family is going through
My heart is being pulled in so many directions watching so many people I love hurt…. And to comfort people at the very most opposite ends of the struggle.
Is truly a inner chaos I have never known.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The crushing of my dreams – in rebuttal of kellys comment
So here is the thing i know that Africa is going to be suckie i even somewhat look forward to the rude awakening that will take place in my pathetic little mind , i may even become enlightened and change the world with my kindness and strive to end world hunger even rally for world peace ..... but really i just think it would be bad ass to say I’ve been to Africa and i want to befriend a giraffe , I may even bring my moose friend franklin and we will all live happily ever after on safari in Africa
DON'T CRUSH MY DREAMS DAMN YOU !
Alaska is beautiful , grimy at the moment but beautiful .
Today we actually got out just daron and I and we had hubby wife time long over due and took a drive out to beluga point … we found no whales so I felt very mislead when a read the sign beluga point why would you name the point after a whale if there were currently is no whales residing at that said residence …. Tourist trap… we did find rocks and mud that I promptly got all over myself we dug for a clam till i saw something shinny and lost interest daron continued to dig for the worlds most elusive clam and also lost interest
I will say one thing the air is crisp next to the ocean , the sun was bright and warm on my shoulders and the world seemed still as we combed the beach and climbed the rocky hillsides at the feet of monumentous( word I just made up because daron looked it up in his mothers scrabble dictionary not there not in scrabble then it clearly isn’t a word ) snow covered mountains . The view is endless you can look in any direction and see some formation of nature that is unlike anything you have seen before . The highway we were driving on reminded me of Montana winding through wildlife and countryside this highway lead through marshes and timber and stayed parallel with the inlet . you could see the refection of the mountains on the glass like ocean water littered with ice chunks as big as cars where the tide had gone out was a grave yard of fallen icebergs and driftwood all covered in mud and glistening the sun , as the highway looped its self through the mountain side we came across a great deal of natural waterfalls some were still frozen and you could hear and feel the water rush over your hand when you ventured to stick your hand in the melted sun holes the ice was tinted blue like a picture in the national geographic and the water rushed through the roots and rocks around it picking up light and making rapids . it was so much fun to explore with daron all we needed was our puppies .
We went to this really neat jade shop and watched them cut raw jade with a huge saw it looked barbaric all held together with ropes and rusty hinges and all tasks being delegated by a bearded man in suspenders the safety hazards were numerous but I loved the jewelry so all is well that ends well right ?
The beautiful necklaces we picked out are well worth the few finger that were possibly lost in the process of making them I think it adds a certain charm and worth to the pieces.
Prayers hugs and loves
The Bements
Also I feel that everyone should be updated on the whereabouts of Franklin my moose friend … I still don’t know them- I returned to the capture site today , Franklin was not present nor was there a note or any clues to where he may have gone … obviously darons over masculine protective display upon our first meeting has spooked him into hiding I left a trail of moose munch trail mix in hopes of coursing him into a second meeting and possible further be-friend-ment … he may even let me ride him … im just saying – it happens-
DON'T CRUSH MY DREAMS DAMN YOU !
Alaska is beautiful , grimy at the moment but beautiful .
Today we actually got out just daron and I and we had hubby wife time long over due and took a drive out to beluga point … we found no whales so I felt very mislead when a read the sign beluga point why would you name the point after a whale if there were currently is no whales residing at that said residence …. Tourist trap… we did find rocks and mud that I promptly got all over myself we dug for a clam till i saw something shinny and lost interest daron continued to dig for the worlds most elusive clam and also lost interest
I will say one thing the air is crisp next to the ocean , the sun was bright and warm on my shoulders and the world seemed still as we combed the beach and climbed the rocky hillsides at the feet of monumentous( word I just made up because daron looked it up in his mothers scrabble dictionary not there not in scrabble then it clearly isn’t a word ) snow covered mountains . The view is endless you can look in any direction and see some formation of nature that is unlike anything you have seen before . The highway we were driving on reminded me of Montana winding through wildlife and countryside this highway lead through marshes and timber and stayed parallel with the inlet . you could see the refection of the mountains on the glass like ocean water littered with ice chunks as big as cars where the tide had gone out was a grave yard of fallen icebergs and driftwood all covered in mud and glistening the sun , as the highway looped its self through the mountain side we came across a great deal of natural waterfalls some were still frozen and you could hear and feel the water rush over your hand when you ventured to stick your hand in the melted sun holes the ice was tinted blue like a picture in the national geographic and the water rushed through the roots and rocks around it picking up light and making rapids . it was so much fun to explore with daron all we needed was our puppies .
We went to this really neat jade shop and watched them cut raw jade with a huge saw it looked barbaric all held together with ropes and rusty hinges and all tasks being delegated by a bearded man in suspenders the safety hazards were numerous but I loved the jewelry so all is well that ends well right ?
The beautiful necklaces we picked out are well worth the few finger that were possibly lost in the process of making them I think it adds a certain charm and worth to the pieces.
Prayers hugs and loves
The Bements
Also I feel that everyone should be updated on the whereabouts of Franklin my moose friend … I still don’t know them- I returned to the capture site today , Franklin was not present nor was there a note or any clues to where he may have gone … obviously darons over masculine protective display upon our first meeting has spooked him into hiding I left a trail of moose munch trail mix in hopes of coursing him into a second meeting and possible further be-friend-ment … he may even let me ride him … im just saying – it happens-
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Things not to do in Alaska
Things not to do in Alaska
My husband is from Alaska and we made the great trek here Saturday night to surprise his aunt for her birthday Darons aunt being one of the truly kindest women I have ever met.
To start off this wild rampage of travel, I do not go places I am very plain simple the only two trips I have ever taken on a plane was to DC to see my aunt Kelly who spoiled me rotten, not that the shopping candy movies and witty commentary had anything to do with my love of visiting her – she just made girl time – I was very lucky she put up with my snotty self . anyways back to the fact that Im boring flying on my third trip ever, to stay with my mother in law for 8 days ………
Step one- packing
Both Daron and I worked all week and left sat morn …. Laundry was done just not the laundry I wanted to take .. hmmm packing hours before a flight often leads to a hostile laundry room
It didn’t help that I did not have a fragment of will power or desire in my body to pack , im sure this comes as a shock .. to Darons dismay he found me sleeping well hidden in various places throughout the house avoiding the monumental pile of clothes next to my neat and tidy ( completely empty ) suit case at one point he even found me in my suit case (pics to prove it ) snoring away happy as can be then he would wake me and I would beg like a child in the candy isle Please … Darooon you can pack for me better yet … I don’t have to go … no NO NO don’t make me go .. (poor Daron)
Step two- ungodly hour
Why is it that a plane must leave so early and really it is all an evil ploy to sell more disgusting coffee because you may need to get there at O-dark thirty but your plane leaves the airport @ noon with every tweenager and crying baby in the tri –State area saying oh my god like he didn’t , like,like like ….. and vomiting crying and shitting
- Reproducing – looks more and more over rated
Step three – strip joint capital of the world
Did you know that Portland was the strip joint capital of the world who knew … they obviously need to advertise better .. I would have even bought a T shirt simply because people would read it and say “no shit Portland Oregon” and that my friends is bad ass ( all this was brought to my attention while spending a 5 hour layover in a book store in the Portland airport )
Step four – arrive
GOD help me
I will rant another day about the scary on goings of the Bement house hold things such as Shoot, being a bad word and meals from freezer bags , the cult bun , purity retreat and other strange on goings but for now out of respect for my attentive & polite hosts I will stick to the facts of the city and our trip
Alaska sucks .. it is dirty people smell funny and I am a minority , there is nothing to do all the tourist shops are closed due to the fact everyone leaves this place this time of year thus …. Nothing to do there is a volcano that is puffing ash… what does that even mean ?
Puffing - has he never hear of puff puff pass I could really use some drugs at the moment !
This selfish volcano threatens to keep us here …… NOT KOSHER
Im pretty lame being that im already home sick but really there has not been that many thrills when it comes this time of year that just so happens to be the time we are here and the time I was hoping to go on a grand wild adventure !
Not all was lost yesterday I caught a moose ! it was a yearling and daron wouldn’t let me get out of the car he even went as far to lock the door and hold my seatbelt in place RUDE ! this I know all I wanted to do was claim my prize! He was a gentle giant and although he was taller than the truck I was not afraid I have a giraffe blanket that I could have used as a cloak he would have know I was coming to claim him in a gesture of love and friendship!
I JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS AND PET HIM
Although daron totally ruined my fun and possibly saved my life (ehh husbands)
I did name him Franklin and I believe in my heart we will reunite.
My husband is from Alaska and we made the great trek here Saturday night to surprise his aunt for her birthday Darons aunt being one of the truly kindest women I have ever met.
To start off this wild rampage of travel, I do not go places I am very plain simple the only two trips I have ever taken on a plane was to DC to see my aunt Kelly who spoiled me rotten, not that the shopping candy movies and witty commentary had anything to do with my love of visiting her – she just made girl time – I was very lucky she put up with my snotty self . anyways back to the fact that Im boring flying on my third trip ever, to stay with my mother in law for 8 days ………
Step one- packing
Both Daron and I worked all week and left sat morn …. Laundry was done just not the laundry I wanted to take .. hmmm packing hours before a flight often leads to a hostile laundry room
It didn’t help that I did not have a fragment of will power or desire in my body to pack , im sure this comes as a shock .. to Darons dismay he found me sleeping well hidden in various places throughout the house avoiding the monumental pile of clothes next to my neat and tidy ( completely empty ) suit case at one point he even found me in my suit case (pics to prove it ) snoring away happy as can be then he would wake me and I would beg like a child in the candy isle Please … Darooon you can pack for me better yet … I don’t have to go … no NO NO don’t make me go .. (poor Daron)
Step two- ungodly hour
Why is it that a plane must leave so early and really it is all an evil ploy to sell more disgusting coffee because you may need to get there at O-dark thirty but your plane leaves the airport @ noon with every tweenager and crying baby in the tri –State area saying oh my god like he didn’t , like,like like ….. and vomiting crying and shitting
- Reproducing – looks more and more over rated
Step three – strip joint capital of the world
Did you know that Portland was the strip joint capital of the world who knew … they obviously need to advertise better .. I would have even bought a T shirt simply because people would read it and say “no shit Portland Oregon” and that my friends is bad ass ( all this was brought to my attention while spending a 5 hour layover in a book store in the Portland airport )
Step four – arrive
GOD help me
I will rant another day about the scary on goings of the Bement house hold things such as Shoot, being a bad word and meals from freezer bags , the cult bun , purity retreat and other strange on goings but for now out of respect for my attentive & polite hosts I will stick to the facts of the city and our trip
Alaska sucks .. it is dirty people smell funny and I am a minority , there is nothing to do all the tourist shops are closed due to the fact everyone leaves this place this time of year thus …. Nothing to do there is a volcano that is puffing ash… what does that even mean ?
Puffing - has he never hear of puff puff pass I could really use some drugs at the moment !
This selfish volcano threatens to keep us here …… NOT KOSHER
Im pretty lame being that im already home sick but really there has not been that many thrills when it comes this time of year that just so happens to be the time we are here and the time I was hoping to go on a grand wild adventure !
Not all was lost yesterday I caught a moose ! it was a yearling and daron wouldn’t let me get out of the car he even went as far to lock the door and hold my seatbelt in place RUDE ! this I know all I wanted to do was claim my prize! He was a gentle giant and although he was taller than the truck I was not afraid I have a giraffe blanket that I could have used as a cloak he would have know I was coming to claim him in a gesture of love and friendship!
I JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS AND PET HIM
Although daron totally ruined my fun and possibly saved my life (ehh husbands)
I did name him Franklin and I believe in my heart we will reunite.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
God music
So the goof ball that I am just realized that I only have Two followers…. My aunt my papa and myself… but I don’t count do I ?
So how long has it been since you heard a song on the radio that just touched your heart and you couldn’t help but totally jam out and connect with the lyrics the tune … just sing along and smile every time you hear it …… its been awhile for me too… but yesterday I switched my radio over to a Christian station that my good friend Cathy recommended , and I have been humming along ever since …it was strange but I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t really enjoying what I listened to on the pop station anymore , this adult Christian top 40 change makes me laugh a little being that I swore up and down that id never be one of those bible thumping people who only listen to bible rock…. Aka my grandmother – I always made fun of her love of feel good music but in my age I have learned I was sorely wrong – god music is GOOD
So my new love of God music as I so affectionately call it was brought on by the Best Song Ever … Free to be me…. Wow I felt so silly sitting in the office humming along because I had not learned the words yet .. but I just loved it it made me smile I felt like it was about me .. where I am in my life , with Daron with God … it felt good …. My heart sang along .. Francesca Battistelli is the artist and she is so talented ! any who I highly recommend her … GOOGLE THAT GIRL!
At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see
(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt
(Chorus)
And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though
(Chorus)
That’s the song cute! Cute (or DUTIE – as kelly would say )
And looking back at things I swore id never be…… If I turn out to be half the woman my grandmother is I will have done pretty darn well for myself … im glad I see that now & that maybe the things that were said to be un-cool were the things that mattered most ….. family – god – ect.
Ive got a lot of catching up to do but the great part about life is that it’s a journey not a destination … Kisses , Hugs love you all always –god bless-
So how long has it been since you heard a song on the radio that just touched your heart and you couldn’t help but totally jam out and connect with the lyrics the tune … just sing along and smile every time you hear it …… its been awhile for me too… but yesterday I switched my radio over to a Christian station that my good friend Cathy recommended , and I have been humming along ever since …it was strange but I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t really enjoying what I listened to on the pop station anymore , this adult Christian top 40 change makes me laugh a little being that I swore up and down that id never be one of those bible thumping people who only listen to bible rock…. Aka my grandmother – I always made fun of her love of feel good music but in my age I have learned I was sorely wrong – god music is GOOD
So my new love of God music as I so affectionately call it was brought on by the Best Song Ever … Free to be me…. Wow I felt so silly sitting in the office humming along because I had not learned the words yet .. but I just loved it it made me smile I felt like it was about me .. where I am in my life , with Daron with God … it felt good …. My heart sang along .. Francesca Battistelli is the artist and she is so talented ! any who I highly recommend her … GOOGLE THAT GIRL!
At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see
(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt
(Chorus)
And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though
(Chorus)
That’s the song cute! Cute (or DUTIE – as kelly would say )
And looking back at things I swore id never be…… If I turn out to be half the woman my grandmother is I will have done pretty darn well for myself … im glad I see that now & that maybe the things that were said to be un-cool were the things that mattered most ….. family – god – ect.
Ive got a lot of catching up to do but the great part about life is that it’s a journey not a destination … Kisses , Hugs love you all always –god bless-
Long time No Blog
I understand that i have not posted a blog in along time and my faithful 3 subscribers were truly worried about my lack of internet time in the last few weeks, but I am now blogging to reassure you that my blog will live on, have faith in me friends .... I mean family being that you are the only sad few who read the junk i post .. but let me tell you about my month & all the wonderful things i have been up to .....
My new job is great I love it, I learn something new everyday and the people I work with are so much fun, I have been working a ton 5 days a week 7am to 6pm and then pulling two 12s out at fire over the weekend, being lazy is hard while working as much as i do so i feel that i have truly been making sacrifices ! ( avista better be thankful for the utilities check!) other than that we have had a few whacko Pts. but nothing to exciting... at fire we had a rip roaring car fire that kicked ass - I rocked it and totaly saved lives ! not really but had anyone’s life been in danger Im sure i would have been the go to gal- on life saving measures! 6 cars burnt up in one driveway talk about bad luck but it was RAD! (can you tell i like to play w/fire?)
In other airwayheights on goings ... Daron and I have a stalker ! yes you read correctly we are currently the victims of a brutal stocking .. The perp even took pics.. yucky right ! worst of all we were at a hockey game when all of this happened i felt so violated ! The Nerve The OutRage ! its just wrong on so many levels i worry about the poor soul who had to sink so low to stock fat boring people like daron and I .
well i need to go back to work so tah tah for now ... my friends
My new job is great I love it, I learn something new everyday and the people I work with are so much fun, I have been working a ton 5 days a week 7am to 6pm and then pulling two 12s out at fire over the weekend, being lazy is hard while working as much as i do so i feel that i have truly been making sacrifices ! ( avista better be thankful for the utilities check!) other than that we have had a few whacko Pts. but nothing to exciting... at fire we had a rip roaring car fire that kicked ass - I rocked it and totaly saved lives ! not really but had anyone’s life been in danger Im sure i would have been the go to gal- on life saving measures! 6 cars burnt up in one driveway talk about bad luck but it was RAD! (can you tell i like to play w/fire?)
In other airwayheights on goings ... Daron and I have a stalker ! yes you read correctly we are currently the victims of a brutal stocking .. The perp even took pics.. yucky right ! worst of all we were at a hockey game when all of this happened i felt so violated ! The Nerve The OutRage ! its just wrong on so many levels i worry about the poor soul who had to sink so low to stock fat boring people like daron and I .
well i need to go back to work so tah tah for now ... my friends
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Self proclaimed
I am the Self proclaimed lover of old people I am now the liaison for octogenarians & us hipsters of this generation … We can all now co-exist – I work miracles what can I am kind of a keeper it also doesn’t hurt that I piss excellence…. I LOVE old people … but sometimes they smell funny .why is that?
Im going to buy daron some suspenders a plaid flannel an a trucker hat i want a sweatshirt covered in iron on pictures of our grandkids with a baby blue collar and sleeves poping out and lace topped socks. god we are going to be the cutest biracial couple THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!
Im going to buy daron some suspenders a plaid flannel an a trucker hat i want a sweatshirt covered in iron on pictures of our grandkids with a baby blue collar and sleeves poping out and lace topped socks. god we are going to be the cutest biracial couple THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!
Self Inflict Liposuction
So to begin I feel strongly compelled to inform any one who does not live in the inland northwest or who is not currently here ….You Suck! The weather is about as desirable as a an enema shortly followed by explosive diarrhea …. Which also pretty much sums up what the clouds have been doing all day ! RAIN AND SNOW! I knew the Diarrhea would give you a good visual
-your welcome-
As you know I started my new job yesterday YAY me .. it rocked I never knew how much fun shaving chests and reading ekg’s would be but the best part of the whole thing is the fact that I get to make people exercise all day and I GETT TO SIT ON MY BUTT ! watching the EKG and occasionally I stand up to get a blood pressure- FUN FUN FUN I tell you !
As you know I started my new job yesterday YAY me .. it rocked I never knew how much fun shaving chests and reading ekg’s would be but the best part of the whole thing is the fact that I get to make people exercise all day and I GETT TO SIT ON MY BUTT ! watching the EKG and occasionally I stand up to get a blood pressure- FUN FUN FUN I tell you !
Is it strange that I take such pleasure in watching other people exert extreme amounts of energy … maybe it is the love/ hate relationship I have with exercise Myself that makes me feel so content – maybe it is the fact that every time I watch these people I think oh… “3 mins good for them” our patients set low goals and rarely achieve them SO now when I exercise I feel like I rock at it ! look at me go! I think “5 whole minutes Dang im Fit !” but this may not be a great way to judge ones physical fitness being that the average patient we see is over 50 , has some underlying heart condition or we are checking for one – may explain why I work in the diagnostic dpt. – but this is not going to skew my new found satisfaction with my laziness at the gym! Im happy being naive & in my opinion BEING SKINNY OBVIOUSLY ISNT THAT GREAT … OR THERE WOULDN’T BE SO MANY FAT PEOPLE…..just putting that out there!
Daron has been so excited waiting for his best friend Aaron the pilot from Florida to get here for vacation –why any one would vacation here ..they also questioned if it was worth it upon arrival to the artic circle –so we had them over last night I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard Aaron tells some funny stories of daron and his glory days , here in SpoKompTon I had never met them , they are wonderful people and daron is just so happy to have his buddy around . ALSO his wife is due 4/24 with their first baby! I may have mentioned that people born on that date happen to be ridiculously good looking and exceedingly intelligent...( best kept secret in the world ) they agreed !
Back to being fat If one more person asks me if im pregnant or when im due I will SELF INFLICT LIPOSUCTION most people just assume because I am so young and getting married -The thought that I may not want to continue dating assholes & partying does not even cross their mind or god forbid that I may love the guy poor daron if they only knew how lovable he is!
– nothing beats cooking dinner and just snuggling on the couch watching CSI & HOUSE – our personal faves- maybe I have become and old soul at the ripe age of 20 but I would have it no other way…. We get to just be us .. nothing more nothing less of extraordinary – Love is good stuff-
IN conclusion – people are Lame- im NOT with child – Daron & I are Rad -& exercise is overrated …..thank you for your time ….lol <3>
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